


Grinning is the Head that Wears the Crown

by The_Lord_of_Chaos



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Danny may have a little fun as a treat, Gen, Ghost King Danny Fenton, Summoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28304187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lord_of_Chaos/pseuds/The_Lord_of_Chaos
Summary: If Danny's going to have his day ruined, he might as well make it worth his time and cause a little mayhem while he's at it.
Comments: 25
Kudos: 265





	Grinning is the Head that Wears the Crown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [auraphantom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/auraphantom/gifts).



> Hey, so this is a Secret Santa gift for auroraphantasma on Tumblr. The prompt was: Ghost King Danny (anything with him really, bonus if he is a lil bastard). I hope you like it.

Generally speaking, there was never any good time to get summoned by a cult, or a group of kids at a sleepover, or one of his best friends trying to prove a point.Middle of class? Bad timing.Asleep in his pajamas? Bad timing.Using the toilet?Really bad timing.Couldn’t someone summon him when he was actually in a bind?Surrounded by a horde of wraith’s that someone (probably Vlad) had decided to wake up?That would be good timing.Most things, though, could still be explained away.Everyone saw Danny pop out of existence during his makeup test (for the previous makeup test), and he blamed it on ghosts.It was mostly true, even.Among the worst times for Danny to be summoned, though, was when he was in the shower.

“Crud,” Danny said as he felt that tug on his core.He tried to grab for a towel, but didn’t make it. 

His first thought when he arrived was not that he was in some creepy catacombs.It wasn’t to notice the creepy guys in robes (definitely a cult).Not even the (unusually in tune) chanting.His first thought was that he was naked, and his hands flew to cover himself, except… He was Phantom.He was always Phantom when he arrived.They hadn’t summoned a human, they’d summoned a ghost.Still, though.It was a natural instinct.Now though, he was just the weird ghost who grabbed his nether regions as soon as he was summoned, not the first impression he ever wanted to go for.He looked around for a camera.Sometimes people videotaped themselves doing stupid stuff.

“Tu n'es pas le roi de tous les fantômes!”

Danny turned.Everyone except this guy had on black robes.This guy’s robes were blood red.He spoke in a very forced evil cult leader voice.Danny was getting a D in French class, but part of that was because he had missed a bunch of assignments.‘A ghost slimed my homework’ still didn’t work, even though ‘a ghost abducted me’ did.Point was, Danny was pretty sure he knew what the guy had just said, but part of that was because these idiots weren’t the first to try to summon the king of all ghosts.

“Not since the last time I checked,” Danny said.“Je ne m’appelle pas le roi.” He started looking around the cavern.Lots of candles, chalk runes, burning sage, inverted crosses and in the middle of it, the containment circle Danny was standing on top of.It didn’t look like the last one, but that didn’t tell Danny if it would work or not.Luckily there weren’t any sacrifices, human or otherwise, so Danny didn’t have to rip these guys a new one, but if he was actually in France and had to fly all the way back home, they were going to get a bit of chaos.

There was murmuring from among the congregated buttholes who had ruined his evening.They all shut up when Red Robes started talking again.

“Who are you?”

At least he knew English.Danny didn’t know if names actually had power, like they did in fairy tales, but he’d never been stupid enough to give it to any of the cultists.

“Name’s Bond, James Bond,” Danny said.

This just resulted in more murmuring.Did none of these guys have a sense of humor?

“Maybe I’m your worst nightmare,” Danny said.

“We are prepared to deal with the king of all ghosts, boy, you do not frighten us.Now, you will serve me and help me to summon the king!And when I rule both realms, you may yet still serve at my side if you are lucky.”

“Oh, well, you’ve sure got me, huh,” Danny said.No circle could contain a halfa, but he’d let them think he would help them.“Alright, I’ll help you.Let's figure out where you messed up.”

If they were going to mess with Danny’s evening, and force him to get home from France, then he was at least going to have some fun first. 

“I did not mess up!”

“Of course not, how foolish of an insignificant little ghost like me to say such a thing,” Danny said.“I mean, look at how perfect these runes are, they look so nice and straight, and really, are you a calligrapher or something?I’m assuming they’re Celtic though, right?”

More murmuring.

“They’re Norse,” one of the black robes said.

“Oh, well, I’m sure that’s just as good,” Danny said obsequiously, but with a look on his face that said that the guy was an idiot. 

“And of course you’re burning peat moss there,” Danny said.

“Peat moss?” another black robe said, he’d pulled a notepad out and was writing things down.

It was the only thing Danny could think of since Pariah Dark had sounded Scottish.Really, most elements of a summoning ritual could be mixed up.Danny had been rather disappointed when a ouija board and a tape of Avé Maria played backwards had summoned him.That had been Sam.

“Of course,” Danny said.“I mean, I guess he might like sage, but really, this is just the little stuff.I’m sure you all made sure to purify yourselves first.”

The black robes turned to Red Robe who cleared his throat.“Perhaps we used a different means to do so.”

“Too easy,” Danny said.“What time of year is it in the mortal realm?”

“It is the Winter Solstice of course,” Red Robe said, as if Danny was the stupid one.Maybe he was, though.Should he be tracking that sort of thing?Maybe he wouldn’t get caught by surprise if all these cults decided to summon him on the solstice.

“Perfect, so you’ll need to bathe yourself in a flowing stream first,” Danny said.This time of year it would be freezing. “And then you form up under the full moon, naked of course.” He was still upset about his shower.“And let the moon light purify you until you’re all dry while you rub yourselves with crushed diamonds.Then pour Ultra-Recyclo-Vegan Red Wine over your heads.”That was probably a thing.

Someone said something that Danny thought was in English but the French accent was so thick Danny couldn’t catch anything but the word ‘naked.’

“Now, how many four leaf clovers have you got?They’ve got to be fresh, mind.”

“Clovers are not part of any dark ritual,” Red Robe said imperiously, and seriously, that was what the guy was getting suspicious about?

“Well, of course not,” Danny said.“They’re protection for you.You’ve got to weave them into your hair with the daisies.Wait, you’ve all got daisies woven into your hair under those hoods, right?”

There was some more muttering.One of the black robes pulled his hood down lower as if embarrassed that he didn’t have daisies in his hair.

Danny shook his head.“Well you all got lucky this time I guess.”

“Pourquoi as-tu été invoqué,” someone asked.

Why you… something something.

“Why me?” Danny asked.

There was a nod. 

“Well, what name did you summon?” Danny asked.

“The king of all ghosts,” Red Robe said.He’d lost the imperious cult leader voice.

“Oh, there’s your problem,” Danny said.“Or, one of your problems.See my last name is King.You need to use his true name.”

“Then give me his true name,” Red Robe demanded.

If he was going to have to fly home to Amity from France that night, he could at least make the trip worth while.

* * *

Drexler Industries had been a thorn in Vlad’s side for too long.First, he couldn’t find some of the primary capital owners to overshadow, and then their CEO had proven unflappable in the face of a pretty standard haunting.He could crush the company of course, but he had tried to buy it and had been denied, so now it was the principal of the thing.A nice scandal should help things along.The employees were easy enough to identify and it had taken all of an afternoon to snatch the right one.Wearing the man like a cheep suit was unpleasant, but walking into the local FTC building to file a whistleblower complaint was easy, up until the point that it wasn’t.He’d just sat down with one of their investigators when he’d felt a curious sensation, like a tugging at his core.

“Oh butter biscuits,” Vlad said before he popped into a clearing in the middle of the woods. 

“Venez à nous Plasmius, esprit des enfers!” There was a circle of… chanting naked men, their heads covered in flowers and they glistened with glitter for some reason.The entire clearing reeked of cheap wine.

“Nous invoquons les paroles de votre convocation,” they continued to chant.“AdVlay AstersMay Isway Away Yugeway Incomepoopway!”

“I beg your pardon,” Vlad said.

They just continued to chant in Pig Latin.Vlad identified the idiot in charge and charged forward, baring his fangs, but he struck a barrier.He was in some sort of circle.

“Oignez-le d'eau bénite profanée!”

Someone picked up a super soaker off the ground.Why did he have a super soaker?He pointed it at Vlad.

“Don’t you dare,” Vlad snarled.

He dared, but unlike young Daniel, Vlad knew when to turn himself intangible.He couldn’t turn intangible, though.Vlad became covered in what he could only describe as sewage water.Why couldn’t he turn intangible?

“Enough!” Vlad said.He tried to form an ectoblast in his hand, but nothing happened. 

* * *

Generally speaking, there was never any good time to get a phone call from Vlad; the middle of the night was definitely at the top.

“What do you want, fruit loop?” Danny asked.

“Ah, little badger, I think this is about what you want,” Vlad said.“Do you have a preference?Cedar or Pine, I’m shopping for your coffin.”

“Come on, it couldn’t have taken that long for you to figure out how to get out of a containment circle.Was that your first summoning?”

“Cedar or Pine, little badger?Do you think your mother would like a harp at the funeral?She’ll be distraught, I’m sure, but I’ll be sure to provide comfort in her time of need.”

“Eww.Just tell me if they got to the part with the jello,” Danny said. 

“I see you need some time to think about it,” Vlad said.“I’ll drop by in the morning.”

“Vlad? Vlad? What about the swarm of bees? What about the swarm of bees, Vlad?”

Vlad hung up.Turned out the trip from France was definitely worth the trouble.Maybe he’d let Sam talk him into that anti-summoning tattoo though. 

Suddenly, Danny felt a tug on his core.

“Oh, come on,” Danny said.

A few moments later though, he couldn’t complain.He might just be the first kid in his class to go to a college party.Now, if everyone would just stop screaming and he could figure out what language everyone was, well, screaming in, then he could figure out how long he had before he had to fly home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to auroraphantasma for the writing prompt. I had fun writing Danny without any angst (though don't expect me to keep that up).
> 
> Translations for that part at the end: Come to us Plasmius, spirit of the underworld. Then: We invoke the words of your summoning. Followed by pig latin for Vlad Masters is a huge nincompoop. Lastly: Annoint him with the desecrated holy water.


End file.
